Once again it has been too long since I have made a post.. Right now I am working on my internal character, emotions and spiritual make up. If I must lose weight before I can get on the transplant list then I must work on all of the reasons why the weight is here. My weight is my security blanket and something I have convinced myself is necessary for my survival (as backwards as that seems-in my mind and heart it is true for me). I eat in fear, to feel control, for enjoyment, for fellowship, in rebellion and in anger. I have joined a couple of groups and gotten a counselor in hopes of trying to deal with all these emotions which drive my irrational eating and the fears I cannot seem to get away from as I begin to lose weight. I am attempting to get to the YMCA pool once a week and get in short walks 3 times a week as well as consistently attend these new groups but my sleep is filled w/nightmares and my emotions are highly volatile but I am praying, reading and still putting one foot in front of the other. One day at a time and sometimes one moment at a time…